To No Where And Back Again
by SJag1983
Summary: Edward and Carlisle are no luck out of work townies after the Quileutes bankrupt forks. But they have a plan to get out...


Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, any of the characters, they belong to S. Meyer

My foot felt heavy, as did my eyelids. The radio wasn't keeping me awake anymore, but let's be honest: it had stopped doing it's job about four hours ago. My eyes moved slowly to the rear view mirror and a puffy pair of bloodshot eyes stared back at me. How had it come to this? I'd been driving now for thirteen hours. I couldn't even remember passing through the state of Montana for Christ's sake! I kept thinking I'd glance behind me and SHE would be there. Isabella Swan. The woman who not twenty four hours ago had tried to kill me! How the hell did it go down this way! The road ahead of me was nothing but a two lane highway that appeared to go no where, and I knew behind me was far, far worse.

I'd gotten into all kinds of trouble before; trouble with the law, trouble with family, trouble with women, you name it, I'd done it. But now my best friend was missing, my parents were dead, and I had to get the Hell outta dodge before certain people of the fucked up persuasion got their hands on me.

I'd been doing about a hundred and ten for the last three hundred miles, and had no intention of letting up now. The wind was blowing through my brown hair and whipping it around. I must have looked half-mad laughing every now and then, if only to keep my sanity in the darkness. There was no moon tonight. On either side of the highway, I could make out the silhouettes of cactus against the black of the desert.

"Ha HA!" I screamed as I swerved for no other reason than I could. It was the story of my life. I did things just because I could.

I pushed the car harder, feeling the engine tremble and shutter up my leg and making my prick twitch ever-so-slightly. That ought to wake me up a little. The speedometer inched upward. One fifteen, one twenty, one twenty five. Maybe everything would turn out okay. Maybe, just maybe I'd pull this fuckaree off.

"You seen that new girl that moved into the old Swan place, Edward?" Carlisle asked and his eyebrows raised and his head cocked slightly to the left.

"Nah, not yet, but I heard she's a fuckin' sweet piece!" and we gave each other our signature high five.

Our legs swung over the crumbling cement brick wall as we ate our lunch in one of the few sunny days Forks had seen in about two months. Hard hats next to us glistening from our sweat, a cool Budweiser in our hands and it was all set to be a great day down at the "Future Site Of Forks Museum Of History!" At least that's what Mayor Asshole called it. I called it a muddy, mosquito breeding ground, seventh level of Hell job that paid the bills and bought the beer.

Carlisle had been my best friend since we were in diapers. We grew up together stealing our parents liquor, vandalizing Forks High, and having near pregnancy scares with the same girl. That one almost broke up our little brotherhood. I got drunk one night and ended up hooking up with Jessica Stanley. She got pregnant and I flipped out. So did Carlisle because he thought the baby was his, but it all turned out okay because it turned out that dip shit Mike Newton was the father! Carlisle had whupped my ass a good one for nailing his girl though! But I made it up to him by kicking the shit out of that Newton asshole, I just omitted the little fact that that prick had keyed my car a few years back and I owed him.

"Fuck man, we need to get outta this town!" It was Carlisle's favorite thing to do, bitching about Forks. "There's no women, no jobs, no sun, and no women!"

"I know, I know, but where are you gonna go? What are you gonna do?" And I shoved half my sandwich into my mouth followed by a swig of my warm beer.

"I could go to LA and do commercials or something. That or porn." and he smiled, lost in some boyish daydream.

"You're not pretty enough for pictures and your dick's not big enough for porn!" And I punched his shoulder, knocking my sandwich to the ground.

"Five second rule!" He shouted and kicked me down off the wall. I figured what the hell and picked up my tuna fish, dusted it off, and popped it into my mouth.

"You're an asshole, man!"

"Yeah, but I'm an asshole that looks good in pictures! We could make a killing down in California! Just think about it." He was playing on my ego now.

But he was right. This place had become a swampy ghost town over the last eight months. After Billy and Jacob Black became the leaders of those savages down the road and cut off all communication, our sleepy little town started going downhill fast. I never thought that they were that important to the economy of Forks. It turned out that the Quileutes owned a lot of the deeds and shares of the banks around here. In one week they had evicted half the town, and fired the other half. They called in all the loans, and defaulted on the rest. We had to get out of here and I had a plan.

Carlisle finished his bologna sandwich and we downed our beer as we got up. I wiped some crumbs off my blue jeans and my black t shirt. I'd gotten tuna and mayo on the collar of my shirt when I knocked over my lunch which meant this shirt was now doomed to car rag duty. Carlisle, on the other hand, was immaculate. Somehow that dick smoke had managed to keep himself completely clean and comb his hair before I even managed to finish getting tuna flakes out of the corners of my mouth. How I always seemed to get more trim than him completely evaded me.

Don't get me wrong, I knew I was awesome, just ask any of the townies I tagged, and they'd tell you. My chiseled jaw, my broad shoulders, my Greco-Roman statuesque body, my '69 impala, they all worked for me. But Carlisle looked like a movie star cast to play a small town loser. Light blue eyes, golden blonde hair, and he had delicate features that made him seem like the sensitive type.

"I've got the screws, taint stain." It was the equivalent of a ten year old calling shotgun. It meant I got the short stick on this job. Again. I got to hold the heavy ass drywall slabs while he screwed them into place.

"Fine, fuckhole! I'll just work the guns. It's why I'll ALWAYS be able to kick your ass!" He knows I _let_ him kick my ass for poking Jessica.

It was idiotic grunt work, meant for the guys you pick up outside a Home Depot at nine in the morning, but hey, at least the pay sucked. We were relatively used to this type of work though, so it went pretty quickly. We had four rooms to do today, so we were going to do one. We wanted to stretch out the job for a few more days before we had to find another.

Every time I picked up another sheet, he thought it would be funny to flick screws and nails at me, knowing I wasn't about to put down the heavy slab to come kick him in the balls.

"I'm gonna put this down and kick you in the balls!"

"Come and get me cupcake." And he'd make smooching noises just to taunt me.

"I've got an idea how to get outta this shithole, man", I told Carlisle as I help up another chalky slab and waited for him to screw it to the beams.

"And how's that, numb nuts?" He was squinting from a mixture of sweat and sawdust getting into his eyes. His blonde hair was plastered to his forehead, and his undershirt was getting that see through look around his neckline and shoulders.

"We're gonna rob a bank." I didn't want to look him directly in the eyes just yet. I had played out this conversation dozens of time in my head. I had a rebuttal prepared for any negative answer he might give. I'd always been able to talk him into shit he didn't want to do. I knew him to well.

"Okay." he shrugged as loaded his screw belt into his gun.

I was so shocked that my left arm buckled and the drywall started to fall on top of me. I shifted my left foot to brace my back to catch the slab before it toppled, but one of the screws that asshole was flicking at me caught the tread of my boot, and I fell backward. It happened so fast I was only able to utter, "Balls!"

Carlisle wasn't able to move two full steps before the drywall came crashing down on top of me and the world went shades of sepia and blue. Somewhere, roughly twenty seven miles above me I could hear Carlisle yelling my name. I tried to move but something was wrong. I started panicking and inhaled a lungful of white dust causing me to choke uncontrollably.

Before I blacked out, I saw a flash of light and a woman's face. I couldn't see any of her features, but I knew she was hot, and not from around here. My final thought before losing conscientiousness was "I hope my dick still works".


End file.
